Not Anybody’s Anything

….

As much as I take pleasure in being something important to someone else, and as much as it is a major part of my make up to be so, sometimes it’s necessary to be myself in a solitary manner.  It’s not selfish, just smart.

Getting back into my music making, in perhaps a more aware manner this time, has allowed me to find an unexpected but important side effect. When I am playing, especially in an ensemble of some kind, I am not anybody’s mother or wife or teacher or daughter.  I’m not supposed to be somewhere else, I’m exactly where I should be.  What is important is what is in front of me.  I’m myself, responsible only for how I perform.  If I mess up, I can fix it next time with more practice.  If I do well, it’s only due to me, not to those around me.  Though much of the joy of ensemble playing is what I help to create as I add myself to the efforts of others, it’s a singular me that gets added.  I don’t bring baggage along.

Then, after I’m done playing, I can return to being something for others.  Renewed and refreshed, stronger and more true.

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1 Comment

Filed under Accomplishments, Changes, Dedication, Growth, Success/Failure

One response to “Not Anybody’s Anything

  1. well described state of mind!

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